I have been thinking about this a lot in terms of relationships. I own a small creative business with staff, and lately find myself fantasizing about shedding it and becoming a freelancer, artist, solopreneur… anything that avoids the chaos of dealing with other people constantly.
But then I realize that this is just a desire to have total control, which is an illusion anyway. The chaos of other humans - including hurt feelings, misunderstandings, frustration - it’s all part and parcel of what it means to have a meaningful relationship. To avoid chaos is to avoid life!
Thank you so much for this thought provoking read!
Thanks Sarai—I love how you articulate that journey of desire, the inner conflict we have between the ambition to grow and desire to control. I related a lot to how you talked about "avoiding the chaos of dealing with other people." When things feel overwhelming, we think of those interactions as the things that are most unpredictable and triggering...yet at the same time if we do too much alone, that is a different kind of overwhelm. I find myself constantly oscillating back and forth between a desire for space, emptiness (which helps my creativity a lot) and social interaction+collaboration (which helps me root my work in the world, and stay motivated to keep going.)
Thanks for sharing your thoughts! I just checked out your newsletter and really appreciate your writing. Just subscribed. Particularly enjoyed your piece on virtuous addiction (https://makingtime.saraimitnick.com/p/virtuous-addiction), it's something I think about a lot. I have a semi-draft on an idea where I want to say, basically, "It's okay to love work." I feel the need to say that because I've gone through the depths of burnout and have spent a lot time not wanting to overwork, limiting desire, trying to keep things "relaxed." But over time I've found I really do like to work on the things I love, and it hurts sometimes, but I still love it! And so I both want to work hard on it, and work hard on the other work that lets me keep doing it.
Lastly, I loved hearing about the Alan Watts quote on your wall, “Hurrying and delaying are alike ways of trying to resist the present," It immediately reminded of my own favorite quote from the Tao te Ching, "Nature does not hurry, yet everything is accomplished." It speaks volumes to me. Also, I'm a huge Alan Watts fan, and just finished his book Talking Zen, which I thought was a great summary of many lectures he delivered in his life. I took a bunch of notes from it and find myself diving further and further into his work each year. It's so profound, so resonant.
I’ve added that Alan Watts book to my library list!
I’ve come to realize that the reason I overindulge in work is because I like it. It’s rewarding. It’s creative. I’m good at it. It’s actually enjoyable most of the time, albeit in a stressful sort of way.
The older I get, the more I think problems like overwork aren’t there to be solved, just constantly managed. I think our analytical left brain doesn’t like that, and wants a neat solution. But I don’t know if life works that way.
Beautifully articulated. Couldn't agree more. I'm the same way—it's a practice of choosing a bit of suffering for the joy of creativity, problem solving, expression, art, feeling seen, discovering myself, ...
And as Watts said, “The mystery of life is not a problem to be solved but a reality to be experienced.”
What an encouraging post! I’m a planner too, and this often leads to unnecessary stress. So I think one of my resolutions is to let myself be inspired without focusing so much on the destination. I want to start enjoying the creative process more.
Thank you, and what a wonderful resolution! Playfulness as a process, rather than focusing on outcomes. Here’s to more of that for both of us in 2023 :)
Yay, I hope you enjoy looking at the lovely illustrations! Just a quick heads up though: Mary is quite the ignorant brat at first, but thankfully she goes through some character development and improves a lot 😂
Her cousin Colin might be even worse lol although I did feel sorry for both of them. My favorite character is Dickon (the animal charmer). Let me know what you think once you’ve finished reading it 😄
Update: A few chapters in, I had to stop reading. I was definitely not prepared for the racism in this book 😳 It’s one thing if it’s a racist character, but the racist tones/themes fall in the other characters and even narrator, and neither is addressed at all, so it becomes normalized in the story. While you noted the child’s brattiness / ignorance, for me that didn’t give me any indication of the book’s racist elements. As a reader of Indian ethnicity, there’s a lot I could say about why it’s offensive, but a little googling reveals many others who have written at length about it.
P.S. Am not looking / trying to debate or contend the book’s merit entirely (esp as I only read 4/5 chapters)… Just responding here to note my own experience: I personally was not expecting the racism, and it was a painful disappointment. I kept reading at first, hoping to power through, but it seemed to keep getting worse. It might be worth mentioning or calling out the racism to readers out when mentioning the book.
I’m very sorry the book upset you 😔 The characters definitely reflect the racist attitudes of the British empire during that era in history (Edwardian). The beginning chapters are the worst, and although the comments don’t continue, I can understand why you’d rather not continue with it. Race doesn’t play a thematic role the way Huckleberry Finn does, but like all classic literature, it is a book of its time. The story itself focuses on how nature has the power to heal physical and psychological ailments. It offers a hopeful message for anyone who has suffered in their lives, and that’s why The Secret Garden is special to so many people. But reading is a subjective experience and I understand why you found it problematic. Again, I’m sorry it offended you.
I have been thinking about this a lot in terms of relationships. I own a small creative business with staff, and lately find myself fantasizing about shedding it and becoming a freelancer, artist, solopreneur… anything that avoids the chaos of dealing with other people constantly.
But then I realize that this is just a desire to have total control, which is an illusion anyway. The chaos of other humans - including hurt feelings, misunderstandings, frustration - it’s all part and parcel of what it means to have a meaningful relationship. To avoid chaos is to avoid life!
Thank you so much for this thought provoking read!
Thanks Sarai—I love how you articulate that journey of desire, the inner conflict we have between the ambition to grow and desire to control. I related a lot to how you talked about "avoiding the chaos of dealing with other people." When things feel overwhelming, we think of those interactions as the things that are most unpredictable and triggering...yet at the same time if we do too much alone, that is a different kind of overwhelm. I find myself constantly oscillating back and forth between a desire for space, emptiness (which helps my creativity a lot) and social interaction+collaboration (which helps me root my work in the world, and stay motivated to keep going.)
Thanks for sharing your thoughts! I just checked out your newsletter and really appreciate your writing. Just subscribed. Particularly enjoyed your piece on virtuous addiction (https://makingtime.saraimitnick.com/p/virtuous-addiction), it's something I think about a lot. I have a semi-draft on an idea where I want to say, basically, "It's okay to love work." I feel the need to say that because I've gone through the depths of burnout and have spent a lot time not wanting to overwork, limiting desire, trying to keep things "relaxed." But over time I've found I really do like to work on the things I love, and it hurts sometimes, but I still love it! And so I both want to work hard on it, and work hard on the other work that lets me keep doing it.
Lastly, I loved hearing about the Alan Watts quote on your wall, “Hurrying and delaying are alike ways of trying to resist the present," It immediately reminded of my own favorite quote from the Tao te Ching, "Nature does not hurry, yet everything is accomplished." It speaks volumes to me. Also, I'm a huge Alan Watts fan, and just finished his book Talking Zen, which I thought was a great summary of many lectures he delivered in his life. I took a bunch of notes from it and find myself diving further and further into his work each year. It's so profound, so resonant.
I’ve added that Alan Watts book to my library list!
I’ve come to realize that the reason I overindulge in work is because I like it. It’s rewarding. It’s creative. I’m good at it. It’s actually enjoyable most of the time, albeit in a stressful sort of way.
The older I get, the more I think problems like overwork aren’t there to be solved, just constantly managed. I think our analytical left brain doesn’t like that, and wants a neat solution. But I don’t know if life works that way.
Beautifully articulated. Couldn't agree more. I'm the same way—it's a practice of choosing a bit of suffering for the joy of creativity, problem solving, expression, art, feeling seen, discovering myself, ...
And as Watts said, “The mystery of life is not a problem to be solved but a reality to be experienced.”
So glad I discovered your writing, Salman!
Likewise! 😊
What an encouraging post! I’m a planner too, and this often leads to unnecessary stress. So I think one of my resolutions is to let myself be inspired without focusing so much on the destination. I want to start enjoying the creative process more.
Thank you, and what a wonderful resolution! Playfulness as a process, rather than focusing on outcomes. Here’s to more of that for both of us in 2023 :)
P.S. I just got Secret Garden in the mail!
Yay, I hope you enjoy looking at the lovely illustrations! Just a quick heads up though: Mary is quite the ignorant brat at first, but thankfully she goes through some character development and improves a lot 😂
I love a good ignorant brat redemption arc
Her cousin Colin might be even worse lol although I did feel sorry for both of them. My favorite character is Dickon (the animal charmer). Let me know what you think once you’ve finished reading it 😄
Update: A few chapters in, I had to stop reading. I was definitely not prepared for the racism in this book 😳 It’s one thing if it’s a racist character, but the racist tones/themes fall in the other characters and even narrator, and neither is addressed at all, so it becomes normalized in the story. While you noted the child’s brattiness / ignorance, for me that didn’t give me any indication of the book’s racist elements. As a reader of Indian ethnicity, there’s a lot I could say about why it’s offensive, but a little googling reveals many others who have written at length about it.
P.S. Am not looking / trying to debate or contend the book’s merit entirely (esp as I only read 4/5 chapters)… Just responding here to note my own experience: I personally was not expecting the racism, and it was a painful disappointment. I kept reading at first, hoping to power through, but it seemed to keep getting worse. It might be worth mentioning or calling out the racism to readers out when mentioning the book.
I’m very sorry the book upset you 😔 The characters definitely reflect the racist attitudes of the British empire during that era in history (Edwardian). The beginning chapters are the worst, and although the comments don’t continue, I can understand why you’d rather not continue with it. Race doesn’t play a thematic role the way Huckleberry Finn does, but like all classic literature, it is a book of its time. The story itself focuses on how nature has the power to heal physical and psychological ailments. It offers a hopeful message for anyone who has suffered in their lives, and that’s why The Secret Garden is special to so many people. But reading is a subjective experience and I understand why you found it problematic. Again, I’m sorry it offended you.
I will! I’m the cat whisperer in my house so I feel like Dickon and I will be good friends
You mean to say I will never actually have my whole life together? :)
Beautiful perspective.
Thanks Alicia. At least there is some relief in knowing none of us ever will 😅 One less thing to worry about!